Zurhorst E: Liebe dich selbst und es ist egal, wen du heiratest. München 2009

Illouz E: Das überforderte Paar. Philosophie Magazin 2013; 3:44

Illouz E: Warum Liebe endet: Eine Soziologie negativer Beziehungen. Berlin 2018

Dies.: Warum Liebe weh tut: Eine soziologische Erklärung. Frankfurt 2011

Illouz E: Gefühle in Zeiten des Kapitalismus. Frankfurt 2004

Kullmann K: Adieu, Liebe. Der Spiegel. 10.6.2017, S. 96

Sibylle Berg auf die Frage «Wann ist es Liebe?», SZ-Magazin 7/2020

Gagné FM, Lydon JE: Bias and accuracy in close relationships: An integrative review. Personality and Social Psychology Review 2004; 8:322

Martz JM, Verette J, Arriaga XB, Slovik LF, Cox CL, Rusbult CE: Positive illusion in close relationships. Personal Relationships 1998; 5:159

Murray SL, Holmes JG, Dolderman D, Griffin DW: What the motivated mind sees: Comparing friends’ perspectives to married partners’ views of each other. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 2000; 36:600

Fowers BJ, Lyons EM, Montel KH: Positive marital illusions: Self-enhancement or relationship enhancement? Journal of Family Psychology 1996; 10:192

Balcetis E: Where the motivation resides and self-deception hides: How motivated cognition accomplishes self-deception. Social and Personality Psychology Compass 2008; 2:361

Crowley JE: Gray divorce: Explaining midlife marital splits. Journal of Women and Aging 2019; 31:49

Brown SL, Lin IF, Hammersmith AM, Wright MR: Repartnering Following Gray Divorce: The Roles of Resources and Constraints for Women and Men. Demography 2019; 56:503

Brown SL, Lin IF: The gray divorce revolution: rising divorce among middle-aged and older adults, 1990–2010. The Journals of Gerontology. Series B, Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences 2012; 67:731

Brown SL, Wright MR: Divorce Attitudes among Older Adults: Two Decades of Change. Journal of Family Issues 2019; 40:1018

Joule RV, Guéguen N: Touch, compliance, and awareness of tactile contact. Perceptual and motor skills 2007; 104:581

Guéguen N, Jacob C, Lourel M, Pascual A: When drivers see red: car color frustrators and drivers’ aggressiveness. Aggressive Behavior 2012; 38:166

Guéguen N, Jacob C: Enhanced female attractiveness with use of cosmetics and male tipping behavior in restaurants. Journal of Cosmetic Science 2011; 62:283

Guéguen N, Lamy L: Hitchhiking women’s hair color. Perceptual and motor skills 2009; 109:941

Guéguen N, Lamy L: The effect of facial makeup on the frequency of drivers stopping for hitchhikers. Psychology Reports 2013; 113:1109

Guéguen N: Color and women attractiveness: when red clothed women are perceived to have more intense sexual intent. Journal of Social Psychology 2012; 152:261

Bressan P, Damian V: Fathers’ eye colour sways daughters’ choice of both long- and short-term partners. Scientific Reports 2018; 8:5574

Puts DA, Jones BC, DeBruine LM: Sexual selection on human faces and voices. Journal of Sex Research 2012; 49:227

Grammer K, Fink B, Neave N: Human pheromones and sexual attraction: European Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology and Reproductive Biology 2005; 118:135

Keller M, Pillon D, Bakker J: Olfactory systems in mate recognition and sexual behavior. Vitamins and Hormones 2010; 83:331

Bartens W: Was Paare zusammenhält. München 2013

Guéguen N: Effect of a perfume on prosocial behavior of pedestrians. Psychological Reports 2001; 88:1046

Guéguen N: «Say it … near the flower shop»: further evidence of the effect of flowers on mating. Journal of Social Psychology 2012; 152:529

Guéguen N: The sweet smell of … implicit helping: effects of pleasant ambient fragrance on spontaneous help in shopping malls. Journal of Social Psychology 2012; 152:397

Brown SL, Wright MR: Marriage, Cohabitation, and Divorce in Later Life. Innovation in Aging 2017; 1:igx015

Williams LE, Bargh JA: Experiencing physical warmth promotes interpersonal warmth. Science 2008; 322:606

Kang Y, Williams LE, Clark MS, Gray JR, Bargh JA: Physical temperature effects on trust behavior: the role of insula. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience 2011; 6:50

Ackerman JM, Nocera CC, Bargh JA: Incidental haptic sensations influence social judgments and decisions. Science 2010; 328:1712

Der Ausdruck «There is no alternative» (Tina) stammt ursprünglich von der britischen Premierministerin Margaret Thatcher, die bald darauf auch scherzhaft «Tina» genannt wurde. Bundeskanzlerin Angela Merkel hat sich erst später mit dem Begriff «alternativlos» angefreundet.

Thomä D: Vom Glück in der Moderne. Frankfurt 2003

Thomä D: Puer robustus: Eine Philosophie des Störenfrieds. Berlin 2016

Weitere herrliche Beispiele für die Verwirrung mancher Fiftysomethings finden sich in dem Buch: Leo M, Gutsch J: Es ist nur eine Phase, Hase: Ein Trostbuch für Alterspubertierende. Berlin 2018

Plessner H: Philosophische Anthropologie. Göttinger Vorlesung vom Sommersemester 1961. Berlin 2019

Spengler T: Wenn Männer sich verheben: Eine Leidensgeschichte in 24 Wirbeln. Berlin 1996

Bourdieu P: Die feinen Unterschiede. Kritik der gesellschaftlichen Urteilskraft. Frankfurt a.M. 1982

Blanchflower DG, Oswald AJ: Is well-being U-shaped over the life cycle? Social Science and Medicine 2008; 66:1733

Chopik WJ, Grimm KJ: Longitudinal changes and historic differences in narcissism from adolescence to older adulthood. Psychology and Aging 2019; 34:1109

Das Zitat stammt aus den Erinnerungen an ein Interview mit dem Songwriter Leonard Cohen und findet sich in: Waechter J: «Haben Sie keine einfacheren Fragen?», SZ-Magazin 11.11.2016

Verstaen A, Haase CM, Lwi SJ, Levenson RW: Age-related changes in emotional behavior: Evidence from a 13-year longitudinal study of long-term married couples. Emotion 2020; 20:149

LeRoy AS, Murdock KW, Jaremka LM, Loya A, Fagundes CP: Loneliness predicts self-reported cold symptoms after a viral challenge. Health Psychology 2017; 36:512

Slavich GM, Way BM, Eisenberger NI, Taylor SE: Neural sensitivity to social rejection is associated with inflammatory responses to social stress. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the USA 2010; 107:14817

Muscatell KA, Eisenberger NI, Dutcher JM, Cole SW, Bower JE: Links between inflammation, amygdala reactivity, and social support in breast cancer survivors. Brain, Behavior, and Immunity 2016; 53:34

Inagaki TK, Eisenberger NI: Giving support to others reduces sympathetic nervous system-related responses to stress. Psychophysiology 2016; 53:427

Tawakol A, Ishai A, Takx RA, Figueroa AL, Ali A, Kaiser Y, Truong QA, Solomon CJ, Calcagno C, Mani V, Tang CY, Mulder WJ, Murrough JW, Hoffmann U, Nahrendorf M, Shin LM, Fayad ZA, Pitman RK: Relation between resting amygdalar activity and cardiovascular events: a longitudinal and cohort study. Lancet 2017; 389:834

Schultz WM, Hayek SS, Samman Tahhan A, Ko YA, Sandesara P, Awad M, Mohammed KH, Patel K, Yuan M, Zheng S, Topel ML, Hartsfield J, Bhimani R, Varghese T, Kim JH, Shaw L, Wilson P, Vaccarino V, Quyyumi AA: Marital Status and Outcomes in Patients With Cardiovascular Disease. Journal of the American Heart Association 2017; 6:e005890

Walton K, Horton NJ, Rifas-Shiman SL, Field AE, Austin SB, Haycraft E, Breen A, Haines J: Exploring the Role of Family Functioning in the Association Between Frequency of Family Dinners and Dietary Intake Among Adolescents and Young Adults. JAMA Networks Open 2018 Nov 2; 1:e185217

Berkman LF, Syme SL: Social networks, host resistance, and mortality: a nine-year follow-up study of Alameda County residents. American Journal of Epidemiology 1979; 109:186

Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Layton JB: Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine 2010; 7:e1000316

Cohen S, Doyle WJ, Turner R, Alper CM, Skoner DP: Sociability and susceptibility to the common cold. Psychological Sciences 2003; 14:389

LeRoy AS, Murdock KW, Jaremka LM, Loya A, Fagundes CP: Loneliness predicts self-reported cold symptoms after a viral challenge. Health Psychology 2017; 36:512

Jaremka LM, Fagundes CP, Peng J, Bennett JM, Glaser R, Malarkey WB, Kiecolt-Glaser JK: Loneliness promotes inflammation during acute stress. Psychological Sciences 2013; 24:1089

Fletcher GJ, Simpson JA, Campbell L, Overall NC: Pair-bonding, romantic love, and evolution: the curious case of Homo sapiens. Perspectives in Psychological Sciences 2015; 10:20

Gangestad SW, Simpson JA: The evolution of human mating: trade-offs and strategic pluralism. The Behavioral and Brain Sciences 2000; 23:573

Walter KV, Conroy-Beam D, Buss DM, Asao K, Sorokowska A, Sorokowski P, Aavik T, Akello G, Alhabahba MM, Alm C, Amjad N, Anjum A, Atama CS, Atamtürk Duyar D, Ayebare R, Batres C, Bendixen M, Bensafia A, Bizumic B, Boussena M, Butovskaya M, Can S, Cantarero K, Carrier A, Cetinkaya H, Croy I, Cueto RM, Czub M, Dronova D, Dural S, Duyar I, Ertugrul B, Espinosa A, Estevan I, Esteves CS, Fang L, Frackowiak T, Garduño JC, González KU, Guemaz F, Gyuris P, Halamová M, Herak I, Horvat M, Hromatko I, Hui CM, Jaafar JL, Jiang F, Kafetsios K, Kavčič T, Kennair LEO, Kervyn N, Khanh Ha TT, Khilji IA, Köbis NC, Lan HM, Láng A, Lennard GR, León E, Lindholm T, Linh TT, Lopez G, Van Luot N, Mailhos A, Manesi Z, Martinez R, McKerchar SL, Meskó N, Misra G, Monaghan C, Mora EC, Moya-Garófano A, Musil B, Natividade JC, Niemczyk A, Nizharadze G, Oberzaucher E, Oleszkiewicz A, Omar-Fauzee MS, Onyishi IE, Özener B, Pagani AF, Pakalniskiene V, Parise M, Pazhoohi F, Pisanski A, Pisanski K, Ponciano E, Popa C, Prokop P, Rizwan M, Sainz M, Salkičević S, Sargautyte R, Sarmány-Schuller I, Schmehl S, Sharad S, Siddiqui RS, Simonetti F, Stoyanova SY, Tadinac M, Varella MAC, Vauclair CM, Vega LD, Widarini DA, Yoo G, Zat‘ková M, Zupančič M: Sex Differences in Mate Preferences Across 45 Countries: A Large-Scale Replication. Psychological Science 2020; 20:956797620904154

Overall NC, Fletcher GJ, Simpson JA: Regulation processes in intimate relationships: the role of ideal standards. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 2006; 91:662

Killewald A, Lundberg I: New Evidence Against a Causal Marriage Wage Premium. Demography 2017; 54:1007

Das Online-Programm für Paare findet sich unter: www.couplecoaching.de

Gottman JM, Levenson RW: A two-factor model for predicting when a couple will divorce: exploratory analyses using 14-year longitudinal data. Family Process 2002; 41:83

Gottman JM, Levenson RW: Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: behavior, physiology, and health. Journal of Personal and Social Psychology 1992; 63:221

Das 1910 eröffnete Stadion von Manchester United, das «Old Trafford», wurde vom legendären Bobby Charlton als «Theatre of Dreams» bezeichnet. Charlton spielte von 1954 bis 1973 für den Club und führte England 1966 zum WM-Titel.

Was ich an dir liebe. Das Fragespiel für Paare. München 2017

Woods SB, Priest JB, Roberson PNE: Family versus intimate partners: Estimating who matters more for health in a 20-year longitudinal study. Journal of Family Psychology 2020; 34:247

Pointner S: Adam, wo bist du? Eva, was tust du? Über die Befreiung aus Isolation und Abhängigkeit in Paarbeziehungen. Wien 2016

Smyth APJ, Peetz J, Capaldi AA: Ex-appraisal bias: Negative illusions in appraising relationship quality retrospectively. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 2020; advanced_online

Fagundes CP: Implicit negative evaluations about ex-partner predicts breakup adjustment: The brighter side of dark cognitions. Cognition and Emotion 2011; 25:164

Brenner RE, Vogel DL: Measuring thought content valence after a breakup: Development of the positive and negative ex-relationship thoughts (PANERT) scale. Journal of Counseling Psychology 2015; 62:476

Spielmann SS, Joel S, MacDonald G, Kogan A: Ex appeal: Current relationship quality and emotional attachment to ex-partners. Social Psychological and Personality Science 2013; 4:175

Bartens W: Emotionale Gewalt: Was uns wirklich weh tut: Kränkung, Demütigung, Liebesentzug und wie wir uns dagegen schützen. Berlin 2018

Carver LF, Buchanan D: Successful aging: considering non-biomedical constructs. Clinical Interventions in Aging 2016; 11:1623

Knight T, Ricciardelli LA: Successful aging: perceptions of adults aged between 70 and 101 years. International Journal of Aging and Human Development 2003; 56:223

Montross LP, Depp C, Daly J, Reichstadt J, Golshan S, Moore D, Sitzer D, Jeste DV: Correlates of self-rated successful aging among community-dwelling older adults. The American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry 2006; 14:43

Štulhofer A, Hinchliff S, Jurin T, Carvalheira A, Træen B: Successful aging, change in sexual interest and sexual satisfaction in couples from four European Countries. European Journal of Ageing 2018; 16:155

Díaz-Morales JF, Parra-Robledo Z, Escribano C: Circadian preference and relationship satisfaction among three types of couples. Chronobiology International 2019; 36:1351

Hamm JM, Shane J, Heckhausen J, Lachman ME: Risk of Cognitive Declines With Retirement: Who Declines and Why? Psychology and Aging 2020; 35:449

Programme zum Online-Coaching von David Wilchfort finden sich unter: www.couplecoaching.de

Das Programm zum Online-Coaching findet sich unter: www.paarbalance.de

Einige hier aufgeführte Gedanken finden sich ausführlich in: Bartens W: Emotionale Gewalt: Was uns wirklich weh tut: Kränkung, Demütigung, Liebesentzug und wie wir uns dagegen schützen. Berlin 2018

Neff K: Selbstmitgefühl. Wie wir uns mit unseren Schwächen versöhnen und uns selbst der beste Freund werden. München 2012

Bishop SR, Lau M, Shapiro SL, Carlson L, Anderson ND, Carmody J, Segal ZV, Abbey S, Speca M, Velting D, Devins G: Mindfulness: A proposed operational definition. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice 2004; 11:230

MacBeth A, Gumley A: Exploring compassion: a meta-analysis of the association between self-compassion and psychopathology. Clinical Psychology Review 2012; 32:545

Rockcliff H, Gilbert P, McEwan K, Lightman S, Glover D: A pilot exploration of heart rate variability and salivary cortisol responses to compassion-focused imagery. Clinical Neuropsychiatry 2008; 5:132

Porges SW: The polyvagal perspective. Biological Psychology 2007; 74:116

Kuyken W, Watkins E, Holden E, White K, Taylor RS, Byford S, Evans A, Radford S, Teasdale JD, Dalgleish T: How does mindfulness-based cognitive therapy work? Behavior Research and Therapy 2010; 48:1105

Slepian ML, Masicampo EJ, Toosi NR, Ambady N: The physical burdens of secrecy. Journal of Experimental Psychology General 2012; 141:619

Ausführlich wird das Paar geschildert in: Eckardt AK: Was bleibt. Süddeutsche Zeitung, 15.2.2020

«Hat die Liebe noch eine Chance?» Die Zeit, 19.8.2010

Knopp K, Scott S, Ritchie L, Rhoades GK, Markman HJ, Stanley SM: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? Serial Infidelity Across Subsequent Relationships. Archives of Sexual Behavior 2017; 46:2301

Conley TD, Moors AC, Matsick JL, Ziegler A: The fewer the merrier? Assessing stigma surrounding consensually non-monogamous romantic relationships. Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy 2013; 13:1

Blow AJ, Hartnett K: Infidelity in committed relationships II: A substantive review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy 2005b; 31(2):217

Wiederman MW, Hurd C: Extradyadic involvement during dating. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 1999; 16:265

Fo D, Rame F: Offene Zweierbeziehung. Hamburg 1997

Slepian ML, Masicampo EJ, Toosi NR, Ambady N: The physical burdens of secrecy. Journal of Experimental Psychology General 2012; 141:619

Butler MH, Harper JM, Seedall RB: Facilitated disclosure versus clinical accommodation of infidelity secrets: an early pivot point in couple therapy. Part 1: couple relationship ethics, pragmatics, and attachment. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy 2009; 35:125

Buss DM: Sexual and Emotional Infidelity: Evolved Gender Differences in Jealousy Prove Robust and Replicable. Perspectives in Psychological Sciences 2018; 13:155

Levy KN, Kelly KM: Sex differences in jealousy: a contribution from attachment theory. Psychological Science 2010; 21:168

Xu L, Becker B, Luo R, Zheng X, Zhao W, Zhang Q, Kendrick KM: Oxytocin amplifies sex differences in human mate choice. Psychoneuroendocrinology 2020; 112:104483

Russell VM, Baker LR, McNulty JK, Overall NC: «You’re forgiven, but don’t do it again!» Direct partner regulation buffers the costs of forgiveness. Journal of Family Psychology 2018; 32:435

Tutmann L: «Wenn die Liebe anfängt, wird es langweilig.» Erwarten wir das Falsche von der Liebe? Und warum führen so viele Menschen toxische Beziehungen? Paartherapeut Holger Kuntze über die häufigsten Fehler und warum Verliebtsein purer Stress ist. Süddeutsche.de, 28.6.2019

Kuntze H: Lieben heißt wollen: Wie Beziehung gelingen kann, wenn wir Freiheit ganz neu denken. München 2018

Overall NC, McNulty JK: What Type of Communication during Conflict is Beneficial for Intimate Relationships? Current Opinion in Psychology 2017; 13:1

Lackenbauer SD, Campbell L: Measuring up: the unique emotional and regulatory outcomes of different perceived partner-ideal discrepancies in romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 2012; 103:472

Overall NC, Sibley CG, Travaglia LK: Loyal but ignored: The benefits and costs of constructive communication behavior. Personal Relationships 2010; 17:127

Bartens W: Was Paare zusammenhält. München 2013

Auf Online-Portalen zur Paartherapie wie www.paarbalance.de finden sich viele weitere hilfreiche Hinweise, wie eine Beziehung belebt und gerettet werden kann.

Wie der Perspektivwechsel weg von übervollen Papierkörben hin zu erfreulichen Themen des Lebens geht, zeigt die herrliche Konversation darüber, ob es eines dieser kleinen Schirmchen im Cocktailglas braucht, wenn man bereits unter einem Sonnenschirm sitzt. In: Jonasson J: Der Hundertjährige, der aus dem Fenster stieg und verschwand. München 2011

Dieses anschauliche Motto stammt von der Paartherapeutin Judith Gastner, die unter www.paarbalance.de weitere hilfreiche Hinweise für Partnerschaften gibt.

Charles-Sire V, Guéguen N, Pascual A, Meineri S: Words as environmental cues: the effect of the word «loving» on compliance to a blood donation request. Journal of Psychology 2012; 146:455

Paartherapeuten und Psychologen benutzen dieses Bild, etwa in dem bereits erwähnten Online-Coaching für Paare: www.paarbalance.de

Heavey CL, Layne C, Christensen A: Gender and conflict structure in marital interaction: a replication and extension. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 1993; 61:16

Heavey CL, Christensen A, Malamuth NM: The longitudinal impact of demand and withdrawal during marital conflict. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 1995; 63:797

Goldstein P, Weissman-Fogel I, Shamay-Tsoory SG: The role of touch in regulating inter-partner physiological coupling during empathy for pain. Scientific Reports 2017; 7:3252

Orefice LL, Mosko JR, Morency DT, Wells MF, Tasnim A, Mozeika SM, Ye M, Chirila AM, Emanuel AJ, Rankin G, Fame RM, Lehtinen MK, Feng G, Ginty DD: Targeting Peripheral Somatosensory Neurons to Improve Tactile-Related Phenotypes in ASD Models. Cell 2019; 178:867

Sylvia LG, Shesler LW, Peckham AD, Grandin T, Kahn DA: Adjunctive deep touch pressure for comorbid anxiety in bipolar disorder: mediated by control of sensory input? Journal of Psychiatric Practice 2014; 20:71

McGlone F, Wessberg J, Olausson H: Discriminative and affective touch: sensing and feeling. Neuron 2014; 82:737

Blumenstock SM, Quinn-Nilas C, Milhausen RR, McKay A: High Emotional and Sexual Satisfaction Among Partnered Midlife Canadians: Associations with Relationship Characteristics, Sexual Activity and Communication, and Health. Archives of Sexual Behavior 2020; 49:953

Lydon J, Karremans JC: Relationship regulation in the face of eye candy: a motivated cognition framework for understanding responses to attractive alternatives. Current Opinion in Psychology 2015; 1:76

Amato PR, Previti D: People’s reasons for divorcing: gender, social class, the life course, and adjustment. Journal of Family Issues 2003; 24:602

Gonzaga GC, Haselton MG, Smurda J, Davies MS, Poore JC: Love, desire, and the suppression of thoughts of romantic alternatives. Evolution of Human Behavior 2008; 29:119

Pronk TM, Karremans JC, Wigboldus DH: How can you resist? Executive control helps romantically involved individuals to stay faithful. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 2011; 100:827

Harder H, Starkings RML, Fallowfield LJ, Menon U, Jacobs IJ, Jenkins VA, UKCTOCS trialists: Sexual functioning in 4,418 postmenopausal women participating in UKCTOCS: a qualitative free-text analysis. Menopause 2019; 26:1100

Beutel ME, Stöbel-Richter Y, Brähler E: Sexual desire and sexual activity of men and women across their lifespans: results from a representative German community survey. British Journal of Urology International 2008; 101:76

Haversath J, Gärttner KM, Kliem S, Vasterling I, Strauss B, Kröger C: Sexualverhalten in Deutschland. Ergebnisse einer repräsentativen Befragung. Deutsches Ärzteblatt 2017; 114:545

Twenge JM, Sherman RA, Wells BE: Declines in Sexual Frequency among American Adults, 1989–2014. Archives of Sexual Behavior 2017; 46:2389

Twenge JM, Sherman RA, Wells BE: Changes in American Adults’ Sexual Behavior and Attitudes, 1972–2012. Archives of Sexual Behavior 2015; 44:2273

Tutmann L: «Wenn die Liebe anfängt, wird es langweilig.» Erwarten wir das Falsche von der Liebe? Und warum führen so viele Menschen toxische Beziehungen? Paartherapeut Holger Kuntze über die häufigsten Fehler und warum Verliebtsein purer Stress ist. Süddeutsche.de, 28.6.2019

Hicks LL, McNulty JK, Meltzer AL, Olson MA: Capturing the Interpersonal Implications of Evolved Preferences? Frequency of Sex Shapes Automatic, but Not Explicit, Partner Evaluations. Psychological Sciences 2016; 27:836

Zitiert nach Brähler E, Berberich HJ (Hg.): Sexualität und Partnerschaft im Alter. Gießen 2009

Gewirtz-Meydan A, Ayalon L: «Shades of Grey»: Exploring Public Opinion about Later-Life Sexuality. Canadian Journal of Aging 2020; 21:1