James Gerard

A Plea, a Prisoner, and the Two Witnesses

BookRix GmbH & Co. KG
81675 Munich

A Plea from a Lost Soul

To my Friend: Please bear with me.


First I ask who am I?  Second I ask where am I?  Third I ask do I have a purpose in this life or do I always have to face sadness?  And lastly I ask do you still care about me and love me as your friend?  I know these questions might be strange to you but I have to ask.  I ask because you have known me my whole life and right now I do not know the answers.    What I do know is that I am tired in my body and mind.  I need your help once again.  But I know you already knew that I needed help did you not.  So, that is why I am writing to you.

But before you answer all my questions could you tell me why I felt that you just let me go?  After all I know you are my best friend and know sometimes I am lost.  Well, not really lost but more like trying to have fun on my own.  Yes, you warned me about having fun the way I want to have fun but I became so sad I did not want to listen to you.  And yes, I actually felt I knew better than you.  I know that could never be true but sometimes I feel like you just do not care about me.  Yes, I hear your voice right now asking me ‘why would you even think that?’  Okay then, the truth is I saw too many people having so much fun and wanted to have fun too.  But come on my Friend, what did you expect me to do?  I know, you’ve told me so many times before not to worry about such silly things.  You always told me to just get on the phone and ask for help and you would be there.  Alright my friend, the truth is I did not listen to you because I had too much doubt.  At the same time you knew I was really, really sad and did not call me.  In fact, you knew that I was so sad I just could not listen anymore.  Okay, that is not true either.   But can you really blame me for being tired and trying to have some fun?  Oh who am I trying to fool.  Yes, I will admit that I was just so confused.

Look, I know none of this is your fault.  You have helped me so much in the past as a friend that I should never have doubted you, but I did because I was angry.  There, I said it.  I was just angry.  I know I cannot make excuses with you, but I was so disappointed with life that I was really mad and figured I would try to change my life on my own.  Oh my, what a disaster that was.  Also my friend, even though I did not turn away from my own thoughts like you always told me and give you a call when I was sad or mad or confused or lost, I will admit that I just did not want to listen because I was...I was….

Wait, why am I writing you?  Oh, the questions.  Well never mind answering them because I suddenly realize you answered them long ago.  Please forgive once again for not remembering you are always there with me even though I am lost from time to time.  THANKS for the help and especially thanks for being my best friend,


All my love to you: Plea from a Lost Soul